3: Not A Romance
by The 4 Marauders
Summary: Episode 3 in the series of unfortunate fics. In this episode, Jack Sparrow, Merry and Pippin plot to get themselves more airtime while Sam, Frodo and Gollum stop for lunch. [Caution: Randomness ahead.]


**Disclaimer: **Likely anything you recognize, isn't ours. We do own Olga, and the Next-Door-To-McDonalds-StarBucks-That-Sold-Rum, though we do not own McDonald's, Starbucks or consequently any Rum.

**Additional Marauders 4 Disclaimer:** CAUTION! The following contains severe randomness and general sillines! If this is NOT your thing/style/preference, please back away slowly, and no one gets hurt.

**A/n:** Here's a new one. Except for it's technically not, since the paper I was copying it from is dated from the year 2003. But anyways. It's new to you, the reader. Reader, if you've clicked into this, I would recommend reading Episode 1 first. The complete explanation as to how we come up with these stories is in our profile, b/c I'm getting tired of putting it in the stories. So you know the idea: these stories are written by all four of us, and have our initials after each section we wrote so you know who wrote what. So _(Pd)_ is Padfoot (generally the typer/editor/submitter of these), _(E)_ is Evans, _(M) _is Moony, _(Pr)_ is Prongs, and when she shows up, _(W)_ is Wormtail (who is currently too young to join or really be much interested in fanfic). Most of these we wrote ages ago, and each involves a whole lot of nonsense. You have been warned. Twice.

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**Nonsense Stories**

**Episode 3 - Not A Romance**

Lisa and her friend were discussing Lisa's husband's Brad's choice: to leave Lisa and go fishing or to give up fishing and continue living his life with Lisa.

Her friend, Olga, said, "He's gone to sleep with the fishes, mate."

Lisa frowned and said, "I hope not."

Later that day, Lisa confronted Brad and asked him to make up his mind once and for all, then and there.

He said, "I'm gonna miss ya. Sorry. Goodbye." He turned and left.

As he was going out the door, Lisa yelled, "I said, no lies!"

He said without looking back, "I ain't." _(M)_

Suddenly, Frodo awoke. He didn't understand his dream at all. Who was Lisa? He knew he'd never met a 'Lisa' before. Nor an 'Olga'. Who was she? He'd most definitely never met an 'Olga' in his life.

It was also quite weird that Brad Paisley, Frodo's favorite country singer, had been in his dream as well as the mysterious Lisa and Olga.

"Mr. Frodo, sir." Sam-Wise Gamgee sat up and turned his friend. "We best be goin' now."

Frodo slowly nodded and began trudging across the rocky earth before him.

It seemed like it took hours – but really only mere seconds – to walk just far enough. Frodo's stomach was growling loudly, and he put his arms over it to try and quiet the noise.

Finally, he was there. He let Sam do the talking.

"Two double cheeseburgers, a super-size fry, and two large Cokes please." _(Pd)_

"No! I likes them rrraw and wrrrriggling! And you can keep your nasssty chipsss!" Gollum replied from beside them.

Sam rolled his eyes.

"And a Filet-o-Fish for the short one." He leaned over to the window and whispered, "Make it look alive."

"Yes, sir, comin' right up. Would you like Kuzco's poison? The poison to kill Kuzco, the poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco's poison, on the side? That poison?"

Sam turned to Frodo and then answered to Kronk, "I think we'll pass, thanks." Then he grabbed their bag of food, handed it to Frodo and threw Gollum's food at him (Gollum, not Frodo).

"Stupid, fat hobbitsesss." Gollum muttered darkly, then reluctantly followed the hobbits towards Isengaard (I never knew Middle Earth had a McDonalds!). _(Pr)_

"Stupid narratorsss. Don't know much, do they, preciousss? Don't know the fat, accusing hobbit found it, do they, preciousss? No, stupid narratorsss." Gollum, who was known as Smegal – Smeagol – (Moony, I apologize if the spelling, neatness or grammar are not up to your standards!!!) – by Frodo and Sam, muttered to himself.

"Merry, you know, I think we ought to go out and save Sam and Frodo. I mean, Frodo gets all the spotlight and airtime, and hardly anyone likes him anyway! It's not fair! Frodo's stupid!" _(E)_

"Aye, Pippin, I believe so too. It's not fair at all. Captain Jack Sparrow, who once impersonated a member of the clergy, should have some of the spotlight. Take what you can, give nothing back!" Jack took a swig of his last mug of Rum and slammed it down on the counter of the Next-Door-To-McDonalds-StarBucks-That-Sold-Rum. "That little starved frog, Gollum or Smeagol, whatever, has more attention than we three all put together! I say we let Shelob eat them all, even Sam-Wise Gamgee, then we're free to be as big of hams as we'd like. What say you to that, Meriadoc Bradybuck and Peregrin Took?"

"Aye, I agree." Said Merry.

"Let's do it!" exclaimed Pippin.

They all slammed down their mason jars on the counter in unison, unsheated their swords, and with one last "AYYYE!" they headed off, into the unknown futures…

This story doesn't have an ending.

You choose.

Does Frodo die? Sam? Gollum (hopefully)?

You decide.

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**A/n:** Ok, lol, I'm sorry to burst you're bubble, but you don't actually get to choose the ending. This was how it was written when we did it, and since all of our Nonsense Stories are separate and (in general) unrelated, we don't do "sequels" to them. Also, that one part in Evans' section where she tells Moony she's sorry if everything isn't up to her standards? Well, Moony is the grammar/spelling master out of us four, and as she is reading through other people's sections, she makes little corrections (ex. As above, she corrected the spelling of Smeagol, she adds commas, etc). And since Evans generally has the messiest writing out of all of his, her sections get the most corrected, LOL. Lastly, please leave us a review. We love them. 


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